One of the most important things you can do for you and those you love is guard yourself by learning to say NO. Period. Of course, it doesn’t always have to be an abrupt HELL NO or a blunt NO (but sometimes situations will call for abruptness and bluntness). Most times, it could be no with love and grace, and by that I mean being thankful for the opportunity and consideration, but declining courteously. I use the Hell No in front of my list to emphasize the importance of the need to say, NO.
For example, if someone asks you to walk their dog for a week while they are away on vacation, and you know that it’s going to be hard for you to do it dye to other obligations, say NO.
Be honest and upfront and let them know that you are unavailable. Thank them for trusting you with the job of leaving their beloved dog in your care, but let them know that you are unable to care for the dog because you have other obligations, and that may be your rest. That’s it. No need to go deeper with the explanations.
So to avoid getting stuck when people ask you to do things that you don’t want to do, create a ‘HELL NO LIST,” which will help you manage unwanted expectations from others and even your own overly ambitious expectations. Use it as a guide to give yourself the permission to say no.
Here’s an example of some of the things on My Hell No List:
- people who do not respect and value me
- to people who wish to use me
- to jobs that do not serve me or that I don’t 100% want to do
- to being in places that do not match my spirit or make me happy( a soul-nourishing environment)
- to putting myself last or leaving myself undone ( I recently learned that I still have a tendency to do this – NO MORE)
- to charging less than what I’m worth
- to overspending (New)
- to buying unnecessary stuff (new)
This hell no list has become a go-to guide and constant reminder of what I will and will not tolerate in my life anymore. If you don’t care for yourself enough to set boundaries, people will walk all over you because yes, they will at times mistake your kindness for weakness.
So toughen up and graciously say, NO!
What’s on your Hell no list?
Dixie Lincoln- Nichols is a biological science educator, health and wellbeing consultant and Qigong instructor. Her work has been featured in media outlets like, Oprah Mag, SELF, Yahoo and more. She is the founder of Inside Outer Beauty Market, a multi-cultutal retailer curating and creating products to support the body inside and out. Visit the site at www.iobeautymarket.com